Some parents use their children as a way to get back at a former spouse. They believe that driving a wedge between parent and child could gain them more parenting time and custody. They may derive satisfaction from the thought of their child shunning their other parent and preferring to spend time with them.
Some people refer to attempts to do this as parental alienation, although there is debate in the psychological field as to whether this should be recognized as a condition to describe those children affected by such behavior.
Don’t be too quick to point the finger
If you believe your co-parent is trying to alienate your child from you, it is important to act to stop it from developing further. However, you could do a lot of damage to your relationship with your co-parent and child by making unfounded or erroneous allegations.
Your child acting differently toward you is not proof of any wrongdoing on the part of your co-parent. There are many reasons that children can behave differently toward one or both parents in the complex aftermath of a divorce.
Maybe your child is upset by something they believe you did that contributed to the marriage ending. Perhaps it’s a reaction to something they overheard someone else say. It could even be that they feel they have to give the other parent more attention to retain their affection or out of fear they will disappear from their life, while they know you will always be there for them. It’s also possible that you are misreading things or have become oversensitive due to the trauma of the marriage ending.
Perspective may be needed
It can sometimes be hard to see things as they really are. Asking a close friend or family member whether they see anything untoward happening could help. You might also consider expressing your thoughts and concerns to a therapist who can help you determine whether your worries are real.
If you do conclude that your co-parent is attempting to manipulate your child against you, then asking a court to intervene may be your best bet. Legal guidance can help you prepare.
