The decision to divorce is one that parents usually don’t make on a whim. If you and your spouse decide to end your marriage, you’ll have to tell your children. The way that this will occur depends on a variety of factors, including the children’s ages and maturity.
One of the most important things for you and your soon-to-be ex to remember is that telling them in a calm manner is best. It’s a good idea to do this together so they can see that both parents will remain part of a parenting team.
When should you tell them?
You should tell the children when there isn’t a rush, and they aren’t dealing with anything else that’s major. For example, telling a high school student about divorce the week of finals wouldn’t be a good idea because they would likely lose their focus on studying for the tests.
Where should you tell them?
Choose somewhere private to speak to them. This is a conversation that’s best had without having to worry about eavesdroppers. Privacy is also important because it gives everyone the space they need to deal with the emotions that are likely going to come with this major life change.
What should you say?
Stick to the basics when you’re talking to the children. You don’t have to go into the reason for the divorce, but be sure to let them know that the divorce isn’t their fault. When you’re talking to them, give them information about how the divorce will impact them. Avoid making any promises that you aren’t sure if you can keep.
Having a parenting plan in place is one of the most important things you can do when you decide to divorce. Getting this in order as quickly as possible can help ensure both parents are on the same page about raising the children. It’s critical that the plan is set up based on the best interests of the children, so it may be beneficial to work with someone who can help to ensure this happens.
